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General Blog Posts

When Men Write Erotic Fiction

When men write erotic fiction (as opposed to porn, where the piece is devoid of conflict and usually sequence of physical events interspersed with banal and cliché phrases that are the memes that stand-in, ineloquently. for someone getting pleasure) they often try to protect themselves. Even work by seasoned writers who should know better, I…

Outed in the Nicest Way

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Some of you know my real name, some of you don’t. Today was a true milestone for me. One of my stories not only won an award, but has been published in a non-erotica anthology, and I appear there under my real name. The Trouble With Parallel Universes is the first anthology published under the…

Sand Though Our Fingers: The Right of Writing

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No other animal writes. It is, from a biological standpoint, a useless act. Ask anyone who writes why they write and they will tell you: they write because they must. It’s a compulsion. Even when it feels difficult – impossible to do – the desire to do it is there, even if we often leave…

Lifeboats: The Myth of the Safety of Sameness

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I just finished reading and commenting on The Good Men Project article Who Is In Your Rowboat? by Dale Thomas Vaughn. He’s reportedly vaunted as “a man of quality and one of the leaders of men of quality” by best-selling author and top feminist attorney Gloria Allred” which only reminds me why I have such…

Writing The Erotic Phenomenologically

You know how you’ll go for months, even years, without thinking about something and then you’ll stumble across it three times in a day? Yeah. One of the biggest problems with being a writer is language. Yes, it happens to be the tool we work with, too, but never the less, there is an aspect…

Writing Abjection

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I got a tweet the other day, from Zander Vyne, asking if I’d seen the rape scene in ‘Irreversible.” I hadn’t, so I watched it. Before you rush out to watch the movie, let me warn you, it is about as disturbing as film ever gets and I am unconvinced of its value. Yes, I…

Outing, Slut-Shaming and Very High Price of Freedom

To my knowledge, there has never been a time or a culture that hasn’t suffered its share of hypocritical stances. Ours, at the moment, mostly revolves around sex. We use it to sell almost everything, we valorize people who use it as a weapon, we crave it, we demand that others should want what we…

To See is to Be Seen

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Apparently I said something deeply offensive when I tweeted that, among the many functions that sex serves, one is to see yourself through the eyes of your lover. When it finally occurred to me why the statement might be offensive to some people, it depressed me. It’s political, of course. Although I realize it is…

The Long Hard Look

“…at the core of human being is an exhibitionistic impulse: in order for us to see ourselves we must be seen.” Alessandra Lemma on Lacan* Whether you believe in universal truths or you acknowledge that they are negotiated and constructed within cultures, it matters not. It is useful to entertain their existence. Being an atheist,…