What interests me about cheaters is not the greed, if it exists. Or the boredom, discontent of any other reason why they cheated. What grabs me is what comes once the truth is out.

Does the person have the gumption and strength to admit why he/she cheated? Does the sinner now wash him/herself clean and become an honest saint?
To make a change, if need be and not be a cheater anymore.

It is harder to step out of the safety net of a primary relationship than some of us may think. I would prefer to see such a person step away from that net however, than to be in a partnership of sneaking about, whispers and swallowed pride.

We are culturally conditioned to pair up and pledge eternal love. Sadly (or not), this romantic notion of love is new on the human evolution scene, for marriage has been social arrangement, then a religious one, for far longer than it has been a love union.

If we are honest with ourselves, each step of the way, we have less chances of hurting those that care for us and those we claim to love. Being honest also means the possibility of missing out on a few persons that might soothe our souls but not our fevered flesh.

As a friend to a few persons who were the cheated upon, they were often in unison in voicing how the were hurt by the violation of the word of their partners, to not screw others. As a person who is often approached by a person looking to have ‘fun, passion, etc’, I often think of my friends, who have forgiven but cannot forget.

Personally, I can only give my all to those who give their all to me. Yes, call me Tit for Tat, as if I am person number 2 or 3 on the list, then I also only give back a percentage of myself.

I would like to see more people stay single, if need be, to fulfill their lifelong fleshy dreams. I would like to see more people go into unions of all kinds, with honesty, thoughtfulness and compassion. (I have a lot of likes, obviously.)

As you mentioned, there are a lot of people on earth and to think one is enough, might be a delusion. However, in the huge crowd of people, surely there are enough we are content to still to each other, as there are those who need to sample as much hot and juicy flesh as possible.

Fingers crossed that more sorting happens, before things go tits up.

We change, as time passes. Or maybe we don’t; we just become less able to hide our needs.

“I used to think of marriage as a plate-glass window just begging for a
brick. The self-exhibition, the self-satisfaction, smarmimess, tightness,
tight-arsedness.

When I say “I will be true to you” I must mean it in spite of the
formalities, instead of the formalities. If I commit adultery in my heart
then I have lost you a little. The bright vision of your face will blur. I
may not notice this once or twice, I may pride myself on having enjoyed
those fleshy excursions in the most cerebral way. Yet I wil have blunted
that sharp flint that sparks between us, our desire for another above all
else.

Written on the body is a secret code only visible in certain lights: the
accumulations of a lifetime gather there. In places the palimpsest is so
heavily worked that the letters feel like braille.”

For me I felt betrayed. Betrayal feels like the bad end of the stick. I felt like I was the victim of a betrayal of trust. There was no mention of sex without consent in my post so I dont really follow how it has to do with rape. The people who I feel betrayed me had sex. That is not the end of the world I agree, noone can be owned ( well not completely however hard they try to be, in my opinion, whole other issue ) .

From my point of view it has to do with a promise. Promises are something that some people dont believe in. Thats totally okay with me. In this case there was a promise. I was discussing it today with a friend and we spoke about “negotiation” being how we see it. To me the way this particular situation panned out in my life was more to do with a lack of negotiation and acknowledgement of the relationship beyond the areas of sexuality than to do with an act .

I guess I also dont believe that being disappointed is necessarily the end of the world either. Disappointments in relationships are pretty normal. People are fallible and complex. Avoiding disappointments may perhaps be a form of relationship.

Of course I dont think your “curtailing” me. I was offering a different perspective after reading all the other responses and your post. As for the use of the word sacred , your response kind of makes me feel like thats a no go area of discussion in relation to sexuality? The spiritual and sex? Anyway. Good post . Sorry if I pissed you off in some way?

Also, having children greatly impacts this whole thing – sometimes making wanting to be with someone other than your partner that much more urgent, sometimes making it seem like the stupidest idea in the whole world.

And I’m sorry, but demanding monogamy off someone is not, in my view, giving anyone anything. It’s requiring them them to be physically exclusive to you. I am not saying people don’t have the right to do this. I’m saying that, statistically speaking, there is a good chance that things will not work out as hoped for. And therefore there is also a good chance that one will be disappointed with their partner’s behaviour.

As far as monogamy being a ‘sacred trust’, I have no idea what that means. Sacred. This mystification of sexuality is, in my opinion (and not necessarily anyone else’s) at the root of a great deal of over-emphasis, false expectation, and deep disappointment.

Of course, you have the right to ask anything of your partner. And you have the right to break it off if they don’t comply. No one is trying to take away your right to act in any way you please.

I have an opinion. You do not share it. I believe this means that your expectations may lead to you being disappointed. You do not have to agree with me.

Do not confuse my holding a different opinion for yours for my desire to curtail your rights to do or believe anything you want.

That ones a bit harsh in my book. I feel like its kind of blaming the “victim”. I was married for ten years and the deal breaker was clear and spoken about and it was broken and the marriage ended. I dont feel like I was shopping for misery. I feel like I was GIVING my trust to someone. I chose to withdraw that trust after the break of what I saw was a sacred bond. Sacred bonds are part of the vista and are not to be looked down apon in my opinion. I have a right to ask my partner to be sexually exclusive and the right to choose to discontinue the relationship if the agreement is broken in a nontrustworthy way. I dont believe this makes me “shopping for misery”.