Also, reading this, I wondered if there have been m/any good studies done on those who had rape fantasies before (and after) they were actually raped, and how those fantasies effected the experience, and how the experience effected the fantasies. Do you have anything that specifically deals with this issue?

I think you make a really interesting point when you say that for you it is not about shame or sex guilt, but about transcending self-control, pride, etc.

I have to echo that – or rather something similar. If I had to put a finger on what I found deeply satisfying about non-con fantasies, it would be that they provide a mechanism for me overcoming a deeply ingrained fear of identity loss. And I notice that most of my non-con fantasies involve ‘fantasy rapists’ who don’t acknowledge my identity, or mistake it, or override it. And, underlining this theory, one of the central dilemmas in all of my non-con erotic writing is the issue of identity erasure. In Gaijin, the character is just that to him – a gaijin. She is a symbol of western superiority he can defile, of a type of women he doesn’t really feel he deserves. He doesn’t really see her. In Click, it is even more extreme. Carl with a C’s victim is the embodiment of a humanitarian ethos he has walked away from. In The Voice, the perpetrator projects an ideal onto his victim that cannot possibly exist in the real world. I hadn’t really thought about it until you posted your comment, so thank you. Wow. I have learned something new about myself and my writing!

This comes closer to my attraction to rape fantasies. I don’t have guilt over sex, and I wasn’t abused as a child (or an adult). I like the idea of over-riding passion, that sweeps away “rules” and conventions. A man knows he should get consent. A man who wants me so badly he won’t wait for that–that’s arousing to me. It’s immediate, it’s animal, it’s raw and honest. It isn’t about negotiating wise life choices or working out whether we could have a sensible dating life together. It’s pure lust. I think my fondness for fantasies of anonymous encounters or “stranger sex” are along that continuum. That we could cut to the chase, as it were, without a lot of conversation and negotiating.

In my own fantasies, I’m often struggling or fighting back (although I play to lose!). But it doesn’t feel like I’m fighting him, but more things like my own pride, self-control, and barriers against intimacy. Definitely not shame or guilt, though. It’s not a feeling that sex is wrong or dirty or not allowed, but more a feeling that I don’t wish to reveal myself or to connect. And his lust takes that matter out of my control; and it’s to my betterment.

I think it is largely about surrender, and trying to find artistic ways of expressing that feeling. Writing about sex, when you get past the category of acts, is murky and difficult. It’s slippery. Describing a character’s inner landscape during sex is incredibly hard, so you reach for closely aligned concepts and images.

I still think that the power of rape imagery in fantasy is related to the treatment of sex in culture, and that representations of rape fantasy are always going to be prevalent in cultures where sex/marriage is treated as a material transaction and women are treated as property. Since those ideas aren’t exactly new ones, it’s not exactly shocking that it would be a very old meme.

And I do find that, in my particular rape fantasies, I use that character to get me to places I’m a little shy or scared or hesitant to go. That might just be me, but I bet it isn’t. I’m willing to bet most women don’t fantasize about their fantasy rapist doing them with gentle care in a missionary position. Hehehe.

I notice that my students here – both the female and the male – will also write stories that include rape with a certain amount of frisson and gusto. And they’re never very realistically represented. So, I have no proof, but my gut says this is actually a pretty universal meme. And it’s definitely not just women who have it. There is an equally strong meme of being male and being forced, against your will, to be seduced and er…taken advantage of by whomever.

And it can be pretty subtle, especially in men. You see narratives that speak about them being forcibly aroused, against their will, by some sexy evil seductress. I’ve noticed in a lot of the alt.sex.erotica and literotica stories of, for instance, incest. The daughter is the vamp, the seductress, who pretty much forces her father. Of course he gives in and likes it, but there is no question that there is a delight in fantasizing a lack of choice on his part. And these are written by men.

My gut says these themes of ‘helpless’ surrender lie on a continuum – from the mild sort of pushy seduction all the way to outright and quite violent violation. But the underlying theme is the same… the victim is not responsible for his or her sexual reaction because they are not the initiators.

This is a fucking awesome concept. People seem to consistently ignore the fact that they live as vicariously through the villain as they do through the victim. But you can’t really rape yourself, can you?