Setting: A darkened room. Two voices on a crackling telephone line
Playpal: You want us to do what?
Visu: Stop processing payments on those disgusting novels. Not the nice ones. The really raunchy ones, you know?
Playpal: Er… raunchy in what way?
Visu: You know! The disgusting ones. With the incest and the bestiality and the sexy rape scenes. Those ones.
Playpal: Um… Like Oedipus?
Visu: Did you just say ‘Eat A Puss’? What the hell’s gotten into you?
Playpal: No… Oedipus. The Classical Greek play by Sophocles.
Visu: Suffocate…nah, we don’t want any of that kinky stuff either.
Playpal: You realize, this is going to make us look really stupid. I mean…. Freud practically based the whole of psychoanalysis on it. The play is considered a literary classic.
Visu: Exactly! Fucking perv. Anyway, get rid of it.
Playpal: What about Nabokov?
Visu: Look, you can nab whatever cocks you want in private. Just stop those damn books. I found my wife with one of them. I’m not competing with that filth for my wife’s attentions!
Playpal: Um… exactly what kind of book was it, sir?
Visu: Don’t call me ‘sir’, you know that gets me hard.
Playpal: I mean, describe the book.
Visu: It was on her kindle. It had a scantily dressed woman in the arms of a werewolf on the cover.
Playpal: Oh, THOSE kinds of books. That’s erotica, sir.
Visu: Whatever. Just STOP those motherfuckers. She wants me to do her on all fours while howling now. This shit is ruining my marriage!
Playpal: That’s unfortunate. Well, that’s definitely going to be a lot easier.
Visu: Why’s that?
Playpal: Well, no one is going to stick up for writers who write that kind of stuff. And anyone who reads it is too ashamed to admit they do.
Visu: Excellent! Excellent. Er… meanwhile…
Playpal: Yes, sir?
Visu: Do any of those online stores you deal with sell furry gorilla suits?
Playpal: I’m sure someone does. I’ll get right on it.
Visu: I need one with a hole for my dick to stick out.
Playpal: You may have to cut that hole yourself, sir.
Visu: Why’s that?
Playpal: The last online store to sell those sorts of sex costumes went under.
Visu: Really? Why?
Playpal: We cut off their transaction privileges and froze their account.
Sheer unadulterated brilliance!
oh you ARE wicked – probably why I love you so
Not my finest writing hour, but I needed a laugh.
I’d give you my firstborn, but you’re far too smart to take him on. BRAVO!!
THIS made me laugh. Superb. Still giggling.
This is good stuff. A nice poke at the silliness of it all.
Love! It!
I laughed. I smirked. I shared with all and sundry.
Loved this!
I read this twice and laughed harder the second time than I did the first. Can I say you hit the nail on the head, or is Tool-rotica also on the banned list? This is absolutely brilliant, RG!