Beautiful Losers

BL_siteBeautiful Losers has been a project long in the making. Originally a serialized story, it was finalized and published by Constable and Robinson in 2012.

The novel follows a few months in the lives of Shira, Jean and Sebastian, a very unlikely threesome who are drawn together by friendship, alienation and darker agendas. Beautiful Losers is a love story but not a romance. It contains explicit depictions of sex in which gender and orientation matter less than desire.

Available from:

Kindle US:
Kindle UK:

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From Nathan Burgoine’s review at Erotica Revealed:

If you’re looking for a well-written and erotic coupling of two men and a woman, I think you’d be hard pressed to find many tales as nuanced as Beautiful Losers.  Like the three characters themselves, it’s not a simple, nor straightforward, relationship. I put the book down a little bit stunned, since of all the things I expected the ending might be, turned out to be wrong. It was not remotely something I’d foreseen (that’s not a criticism) and the story percolated in my head for a long time after. It’s not often that I have that reaction – this story made me think and really had me examining some beliefs, and that is always a good thing.


* * *


(From Chapter 3: Geographies)

‘Shira?’ gasped Jean. He pulled my face towards his, his lips brushing mine. ‘I’m coming,’ moaned Jean.

‘I know,’ I whispered. The first hot spurts spattered over my stomach. ‘Oh God. That’s so sweet, Jean,’ I moaned.

Sebastian bit into the back of my neck and I groaned. All the warm, comradely thoughts of Jean coming fragmented as the pain tipped me over the edge. It was so abrupt it felt like vertigo. My whole body jerked as I spasmed; it wasn’t a nice comfortable sort of climax at all – it was violent and harsh and wouldn’t stop. I sobbed and hiccupped and made noises without sense.

‘What are you doing to her?’

Sebastian pressed me down harder on his cock with every thrust. ‘She’s coming, that’s all,’ he panted. ‘Aren’t you? Fuck, yes, I can feel her.’

I’d been staring into Jean’s eyes blindly. Now he slid into focus. ‘Ah . . .’ I tried to be comprehensible but nothing worked. ‘God, yes . . .’

My cunt muscles clamped shut around him and moments later Sebastian was coming too; his breath caught in his throat and he moaned each time his body jerked until the spikes of pleasure slowly receded. He was hugging me so tight I could hardly breathe.

‘Oh, fuck . . .’ Sebastian panted in my ear. ‘Gorgeous – that was just gorgeous. What a nice little cunt you’ve got, Miss Shira.’ He wasn’t stopping. He was still sliding in and out of me.



  46 comments for “Beautiful Losers

  1. Cijada
    August 19, 2013 at 2:30 am

    Just finished reading beautiful losers, and I can’t seem to stop crying. I don’t think I am just mourning the death if the caracter, I feel like I am missing something…. Hope to figure it out soon. Your writing is amazing, keep it coming.

  2. Janette
    September 12, 2013 at 5:41 am

    When it was over I felt like I took a hard jab to my stomach – pain and momentary breathlessness. Followed by deep, heart wrenching sobs. The feeling of sorrow stayed for hours.

    I enjoyed more than a few long bursts of genuine laughter. All the way through I knew it wouldn’t be a happy ending. I’ve read enough of your stuff RG to realize that you aren’t going to give that to us. Later I realized I had been hoping against that knowledge. That’s what a girl gets for having hope.

    • September 12, 2013 at 6:38 am

      Ah, Janette, there are lots of erotic fiction books with happy endings out there! I figure it’s my obligation to be contrary. Someone’s got to. 😛

      • Janette
        September 13, 2013 at 1:14 am

        There are times I want to lose myself in the fantasy of love impossible turned real with a happy ending. It fulfills my wish for a too right to be real lover. However, life isn’t like that and those kind of men/relationships don’t actually exist. Your stories show me the darker, more likely side of being involved and taking chances even if the exact scenarios are unlikely to happen to me. Sometimes a girl needs a reality check and your prose is so compelling that I willingly take the pain to experience the emotions it brings out. You’re a true wordsmith RG and will read every last story I can get my hands on.

        • September 13, 2013 at 7:05 am

          My particular fantasy addictions are sci-fi and cosy murder mysteries. I absolutely understand the comfort readers find in fictional ideals. I just can’t write them. I leave that to the professionals.

  3. Pitche
    February 18, 2014 at 8:24 am

    Why did you choose to call your book after Leonard Cohen’s first novel? it seems a shame somehow. I ‘ve only read two of your short stories so far and you write well but they are not quite graphic enough for me. Still, never mind, I’ll read a few more and see if i can find one that turns me on. Ciao

    • February 18, 2014 at 10:06 am

      Why did Leonard Cohen choose the title I would one day write my novel under? Julian Barnes also chose an old title – A Sense of an Ending. It’s not uncommon. We run out of words.

  4. Sunny
    April 24, 2014 at 1:55 am

    I just wanted to tell you how much I loved Beautiful Losers. It has been a while since I read it and it still haunts me. I read a similar book with a triad relationship yesterday and all I could think was Beautiful Losers was so much better. All you books haunt me in a way… some more than others. This and Gajin are my favorites.

    • April 24, 2014 at 6:55 am

      I’m really delighted that you liked it. It’s got a pretty tragic ending, though. 😛

      • Sun
        April 25, 2014 at 1:04 am

        Sometimes the beauty in a book is the suffering… If it didn’t end the way it did, I don’t think it would have moved me so much.

  5. Sunny
    April 25, 2014 at 12:43 am

    Beautiful Losers is one of my all time favorite books. I wanted my girlfriend to read it but she doesn’t have a kindle. Is there another avenue that this book can be purchased? I looked on Barnes and Nobles and Smashwords but this particular book is not on those sites.

    • April 25, 2014 at 6:40 pm

      Hello Sunny. I’m afraid Beautiful Losers is a bit beyond my control. It’s published by a UK publisher and at one point it looked like they’d do a print run of it, but I guess they decided it wasn’t worth their while. I’m so sorry.

  6. Caitlyn
    August 11, 2014 at 10:33 am

    I just finished reading Beautiful Losers.

    I’ve been on a bit of a reading kick lately and I’ve felt for a while that I haven’t been able to find something that really made me feel.

    My favorite part was definitely seeing Jean finally become sexually attracted to and *really* fall in love with Shira. It was so beautiful. Overall, seeing how each “couple” had a relationship within the relationship (family might be a better word?), but still worked well within a whole was amazing.

    In the end I think that Seb taught them a lot of things. I know some people were really sad in the ending, but for some reason I felt happy. Happy that Jean and Shira had each other even when he was gone. I don’t know why I feel this way, because I really loved his character and character development throughout the story. I think I probably feel this way because one of the characters leaving willingly because of a breakup or clash of sorts, and although it will never be the same, Jean and Shira still had each other.

    I don’t love characters dying exactly, but I think the ending was amazing and exactly what it needed to be.

    This is the first of the longer pieces of yours I have read, and I’m captivated. As someone else mentioned, I really wish that the publishers would decide to have this made in print. I love the actual feeling of holding a book in my hands and this would be a beautiful addition to my ever growing collection.

    If you have the chance…did you know from the beginning of the story that one of your characters would end up dead? Or did you realize as you were writing that death would be his fate?

    • August 11, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      So, a bit of a confession – Although my stories are fictional, like all writers, I take bits and pieces from life. I’ve encountered a few Sebastians in my life, and they are always slightly unworldly people. As if they don’t really belong in the mortal world and consequently don’t seem to stay in it all that long. Yes, I always knew what the ending was. And, quite frankly, that’s why it took me so long to finish the story. I thought it was the right ending, the most real ending, and the one I, like most readers, didn’t want.

    • August 26, 2014 at 6:49 pm

      “If you have the chance…did you know from the beginning of the story that one of your characters would end up dead? Or did you realize as you were writing that death would be his fate?”

      I didn’t know at the very beginning. I knew about half-way through.

  7. Diana
    October 17, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    Dear RG,

    I m a young girl just discovering erotica. And coming from a culture which represses female sexuality and suppresses any kind of independence a woman might have. When I grew and I knew there s something called ‘sexuality’ (which I have doubted I attained in full yet), as I had no freedom to experiment, I turned to pornography and romance. Neither did satisfy me. Only my feelings of guilt deepened for being únnatural’.

    Beautiful losers and Gaijin were a revelation.

    I m so happy for having discovered you and your works. Can I say with all stars in my eyes that I love you? Though I do not know who you are etc., your work has spoken to me and I find a strong thread of integrity and courage lying woven in all your posts. Somehow that guilt in me is gone, and I look forward to learning more from your thoughts and grow furthermore.

    I wish you all the best and if any one ever confides in me with the same kind of worries that i had experienced, I d first direct them towards your site which I m sure would teach them to own up their sexuality freely and guiltlessly as it did to me.

    Thanks and always your admirer.

    • October 20, 2014 at 6:18 pm

      Hello Diana, thank you for the wonderful compliments, however… Please remember that what I write is FICTION. My stories are not meant as a guide to sexuality at all.

  8. M
    August 15, 2015 at 6:14 am

    Where can I find this story? I remember reading it when you had it published on your site years ago. I’ve always wondered what happened in the end and would like to read it.



    • August 18, 2015 at 8:26 pm

      It’s now published by Constable & Robinson and is available at fine online bookstores near you.

      • Lorenzo
        September 9, 2017 at 3:20 pm



  9. Nikki
    August 22, 2015 at 11:03 pm

    I have looked everywhere for this book and I am having no such luck. The only thing I can find is Kindle UK. I am in the US and it won’t let me purchase. Any advice for me? 🙂

  10. Nikki
    February 14, 2016 at 7:07 am

    I can’t believe how panicked I am about not being able to buy this story. I am truly disturbed that the book is not available for purchase on Amazon. And, I mean that in the most flattering way possible. After reading some of your short stories on your website, I am positively enthralled by the idea of reading the story your fans say is there absolute favorite. The others are so amazing that I truly am looking forward to reading this one. Amazon says that your story beautiful losers is not available for purchase right now. Where else can I go to purchase it? The link above works but the description says it’s not available anymore. Thank you so much for your work

  11. Kim
    April 15, 2016 at 7:20 am

    Is there any way to get Beautiful Losers from you directly if it is not available in my country? None of the above links have worked for me.

    A hopeful fan

    • April 15, 2016 at 10:42 am

      There is. I’ll send it to you by email

      • Meni
        April 16, 2016 at 11:22 pm

        HI There 🙂 I live in Toronto and I’ve stumbled across Beautiful Losers on Goodreads, and I am itching to get my hands on a copy; would you be willing to send me a copy for review??

        • April 17, 2016 at 9:44 pm

          I’d be willing to send you a copy to read. I’m not particularly interested in sending it to you in exchange for a review. I find that a deplorable practice. What format would you like it in – pdf or mobi?

          • Meni
            April 17, 2016 at 11:31 pm

            I totally understand, regardless, I am DYING to read it 🙂 You can send me the mobi format.
            Thanks SO MUCH RG!!!! I appreciate it so much.

            • April 20, 2016 at 11:09 am

              Gah, I apologize. I don’t seem to have a mobi version. I’ll send you a pdf

  12. Sion
    June 28, 2016 at 5:05 am

    I’ve been trying to find this in ebook either in epub, mobi or pdf , I didn’t care which. But it’s just not available for purchase online in my location. Which is weird because I’m in Brooklyn,NY where my super indulged sense of entitlement has led me to think I could get my greedy paws on anything I wanted. And usually I can. Just not Beautiful Losers in epub, mobi or pdf…. I would happily send you the list price via PayPal in order to have a chance to read it.

    • Brittany
      September 12, 2016 at 12:41 am

      Ditto! Would love a PDF and a link to your tip jar.

  13. Delissa
    February 9, 2017 at 12:06 pm

    Hi, I have been searching for this book everywhere is there a way to get it from you directly.

  14. Joyce O'Neal
    June 8, 2017 at 4:20 am

    I want to purchase this ebook on Amazon but it seems to be not available can I buy it from you??

  15. Lisa
    July 23, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    Fuck. I’ve just spent the last couple of hours reading this. Despite being alarmingly aroused throughout, I finished the last few pages sobbing. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything that made me cry so hard – for myself and for humanity. I feel confused by how raw this piece of writing leaves me feeling.

    • Lorenzo
      September 9, 2017 at 3:16 pm

      Lisa, if I may, I shall appropriate your words briefly, I did not know how to express myself. I just finished Beautiful Losers, and have indeed shed tears. But rawness, thanks, perfectly describes my feelings. Raw and naked, I feel, and small. Powerful writing.



  16. Jeff
    October 20, 2017 at 1:49 pm

    I’ve enjoyed your writing and would love to read this story, but can’t seem to find it in the US. Is there any way I could get a copy?

    • October 20, 2017 at 7:26 pm

      Check your mail.

      • Sheryl
        January 24, 2018 at 3:40 am

        Hi! As with your other fans, I also cannot find any links that work to obtain Beautiful Losers. If I could possibly receive a pdf copy from you, it would be so appreciated!

  17. Tam
    January 23, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    I started this story so long ago and am upset I am unable to finish it. Is there any way it could be emailed to me?

  18. Joyce
    March 15, 2018 at 10:46 pm

    I still can’t find this book anywhere, I would love a PDF ….;-) please please … been wanting to read this forever

  19. N
    October 6, 2018 at 10:58 am

    Dear Remittance Girl, I’ve been reading your work in the U.S. over the past two years, and have bought all your work that I can. You have such a strong & clear & intelligent voice in your erotic fiction that I come back to it time & again, because it touches me deeply in a way that so many other authors can not. I cannot obtain Beautiful Losers and would very much love to read it. Is there any where I can access or purchase a PDF? Please continue to write & publish. Regards, N

  20. Andrew
    October 19, 2018 at 5:26 pm

    Wow! I would love to read this book, as well! May I get a PDF, also?

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