I read today that D is taking his blog, Sadistic Excess, down. I know things change and people move on, but somehow it feels like the end of an era. Clicking though his pages, I felt a sharp pang of incipient loss. I met D more than five years ago, through his blog and a snarky comment he left on mine. He’d say it wasn’t. I’d say it was. We had a little flame war, shook hands, and I came to feel a great affection for him. I also came to admire his fiction and his short works. Since then, we’ve done some writing together (Breach of Trust) and he’s always been a huge influence on my muse. D has been a good friend to me for many years. He’s one of the very few people I can, with all honesty, say I love.
It’s a generosity, I think, to let someone travel along with you. Posting the good days and the highs and the bad days and the deadly lows. I’ve never had the balls to do that. But he did. And although he’s been quiet lately, if you take a look back through his site, and his earlier blog, you get a picture of a very complex, very honest person. I call him Mister D.
I found this on D’s blog, and thought it was appropriate.
There are no goodbyes for people like us. An extinguishing, a flame being killed by the death of oxygen as a fire too great consumes the last of resources. The guttering flame dies and the smoke fills the room and leaves eyes tear stained from the potency, but no worse for wear. Time gives way to new fires, and the flame’s death allows for birth of new sparks to take its place, smaller, but controlled so that you don’t have the same fear with the first, the same taste of forbidden.
The sort of glow that feels warm, and makes you lift your face into it rather than cower in dark holes and hope it doesn’t find you.
You, the ash, will survive, you have your other places to drift. I, however, was consumed in the fight to stay alive. There are no goodbyes for people like us. There are no words to say, because there was no air with which to speak them.
“There are no goodbyes for people like us.” But perhaps there are. Please join me in wishing him wonderful things for the future. Please take one last wander into the world of Sadistic Excess.
Addition: Don’t bother clicking the link. It’s gone.