New Year : Revolution, Resolution, Resignation

I seldom post things on here that are not creative fiction. Usually, if it isn’t fiction, it focuses on writing, or the subject matter I deal with in my writing. But the new year approaches and I thought an exception to the rule was in order. I have some ideas for how I want the new year to pan out for me; things I want to achieve, things I’d like to change, ways I’d like to evolve.

I’m not taking anymore procrastinating shit from myself. I have taken a sabbatical off work for the spring semester and I am going to use it to finish and polish Beautiful Losers. I’m also going to try and finish off The Dinner Party. Also, having found that there is at least one brave soul in the world willing to publish the edgier things I write, I’ve pledged that I’m not going to do anymore self-censoring. I’m going to write what I want to write and take the consequences.

I’m making a resolution to spend less time on twitter. I love it, especially the hashtag games, but I find it is an easy way for me to put off writing. So, I’m going to try and cut it down. For those of you who follow me on twitter, that doesn’t mean that I won’t be there. It just means that I won’t be there quite as often, and I’m definitely going to stop spending the whole of my evenings on that infernal tool. I’m also not going to follow anymore people. 875 is enough. I miss the intimacy I had when my follow list was smaller. I miss my friends and the people who I know really do care for me.

The strange hollowness of this Christmas – the realization that I really had no one – hit me quite hard, emotionally. This is something I need to learn how to live with, to embrace it and realize that there is an immense freedom to this state of aloneness. I need to resign myself and train my heart to it.

  18 comments for “New Year : Revolution, Resolution, Resignation

  1. December 27, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    I’m with you on all three of these.

    I also preferred it when I followed less people. I miss you & a few others. Many new people I follow will have to be purged coz my stream is cluttered with inspirational, gratitudinal tosh.

    Spending less time on twit will mean that when I am there I’ll need to be reading tweets by people I connect with & not wasting time on distractions.

    The hollowness. Yes. This christmas I accept that I depend on Bibi. I must, somehow, adjust my settings!


  2. Tra
    December 27, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    Sometimes Xmas can be hollow even when you are not alone – sometimes even surrounded by people you feel lonely. How do you grow personally if you feel all your creative energy is sapped by the monotony of daily chores and others needs?

    Please yes, work hard on finishing beautiful losers and the Dinner party – two series which I enjoyed, and which allowed my mind to wander with the possibilities, even as drudgery surrounded me…Here is to a more fufilling 2010……

    • December 27, 2009 at 4:25 pm

      I agree that you can be hollow when you’re not alone. I can’t complain that other people or monotony saps my creative energy; although I can see how it could. I’m far, far to selfish to be able to blame my lack of creativity on commitment to others. But yes, one way or another, have a better 2010, Tra.

  3. Akré
    December 27, 2009 at 4:47 pm

    Good Luck RG. It’s a simple three step plan you have there. I like it. Hugs.

  4. vanimp
    December 27, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    As much as I enjoy nattering on twitter these days I have veered away as it really is a creativity black hole. Good on you. I’m about to do some self nurturing re the creative thing as well so you are not the only one. And yes even when one has many souls around a sense of aloneness can still simmer there quietly around unsuspecting souls. I feel it too. xxx

  5. December 27, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    I for one will miss your stimulation on Twitter, it helps me get through mundane day job and keeps words at the forefront of my brain instead of just numbers. But I totally understand this resolution. The turn of a new year always underlines and presages another 4 seasons of struggling with time. Time to do the things I choose to do to feed and nourish the real me, rather than the things I am obliged to do by the me I present to the external world.

    Good luck with completing your two writing projects.

    And there is something to be said for the person without attachments:

    Sergi Nechayev “The Revolutionary Catechism”:

    “1. The revolutionary is a doomed man. He has no personal interests, no business affairs, no emotions, no attachments, no property and no name. Everything in him is wholly absorbed in the single thought and the single passion for revolution.

    2. The revolutionary knows that in the very depths of his being, not only in words but also in deeds, he has broken all bonds which tie him to the social order and the civilised world with all its laws, moralities and customs and with all its generally accepted conventions.”

    You can replace the word ‘revolutionary’ with writer and it still holds water.


  6. December 27, 2009 at 7:52 pm


    I wish you all the best for everything you want to achieve in the new year. I’m particularly glad about the no more self-censoring, you are a brilliantly creative and beautiful person who should be able to write whatever you want! Good-luck hun!



  7. City Different
    December 27, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    Rgrl! How I admire and respect you for your self-awareness, your rejection of self-pity, and your courage! And how thankful I am for your unique presence in our world. I look forward to watching you do wonderful things in 2010.

  8. vindya
    December 28, 2009 at 1:54 am

    Your “resignation” terrifies me, as I recently decided that I do not want to be a “self-sufficient” person quite yet. I am still at the stage of hopefulness, that I WILL find what I am looking for, no matter how slim my chances may be.

    I commend your courage. And that when my time comes to resign, I will know that I am not alone in my aloneness.

  9. jael
    December 28, 2009 at 5:43 am

    i’d use a different work to resignation – acceptance, perhaps? or being comfortable with this state. but you’re right: there is great power in it.

    i miss you. i hope this year is productive; meaningful and solidly ‘good’, for lack of a better word.


  10. Brian
    December 28, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    Wow, I guess I may find myself in a similar place and I have fewer answers. I hope that there will be an enlightening force which will enable us, all of us out there, to find that connection which will be of use to us all. I am not afraid of revolution, revultion or resignation in any form, however life is a progressive force which requires from all of us to adapt, evolve and achieve our potential. If we deviate from this materially we will die, and that would be a shame. You do excellent work!

  11. Kathy
    December 29, 2009 at 3:26 am

    I have been an avid reader of your material and am grateful for your talent. I wish you peace, health and happiness in 2010 – and beyond.

  12. December 29, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    The resolutions for less twitter time and more acceptance of being alone are an illuminating juxtaposition. At least for me, since twitter helps me feel less alone sometimes.

    • December 29, 2009 at 1:39 pm

      Oh yes. It does the same for me. The trick is, though, to learn to suck it up and take it. I AM alone, and there’s no fucking point in pretending I’m not, or distracting myself from the reality of it twittering. Time to actually, REALLY, learn how to live with it,

      • December 29, 2009 at 8:46 pm

        I agree with not engaging in self-deception. However, I think there’s also benefit in being gentle on yourself at times, and saying “yeah, I’m gonna twitter now.” If done with full awareness, such ‘loneliness avoidance’ maneuvers can be good short term salves (while working on a long term solution and not engaging in self-deception about the true reality of the situation).

  13. December 30, 2009 at 2:55 am

    Those are some fairly sobering and emotional thoughts. But bear in mind that even just the comments on this page, let alone those that litter most of the posts on your site, show that you’re not exactly alone. Hope that doesn’t sound too pat – clearly contact with (semi-)strangers online isn’t the same as the intimate relationships of family. But there are a substantial number of people out there, in places all around the world, who come to you for something to assuage their own loneliness, or to make their day better, or to speed up their pulse and make their breathing a bit ragged. There is something emotionally present and honest in your work that draws them to it. In short, there are people who rely on you, most of whom you’ve never met. I’ve read your stories aloud to my girlfriend in bed, I’ve sent them to friends, and I’ve been helped by some when I was feeling terrible. They’ve helped to open up some areas of sexuality that I hadn’t thought about, or had felt ambivalent towards. They, among other things, have played a part in showing me the evident truth that we can embrace an attraction to taboos rather than feeling furtive about it..They’ve become, in some way, a part of my life. And I was first referred here by a friend who no doubt has her own collection of reactions and responses to your work. Those reader-writer relationships have a kind of intimacy all of their own, and are the reason why most writers write in the first place – the desire to connect with somebody even when no personal connection exists. There’s a big difference between this kind of alone and the crazy-old-cat-lady-on-a-mountain kind of alone.

    As to solitude, I understand the fear. But it’s so much better to be alone and yourself than it is to be some pressed-down compromise of yourself in order to sustain a pairing that you’re too afraid to leave. Two months ago I moved from Australia, where I’ve always lived, to Argentina (other side of the world, for the geographically challenged) and am doing my best to cut myself off from home. Burned Facebook, mercifully never got onto Twitter, and am phasing out email. I write a blog but that’s pretty much a one-way mirror. Mostly this is an enforced effort to distance myself from a long and failed relationship. But it’s also an effort to cultivate some real solitude for once. And it’s lonely and difficult, especially when I know there’s a long time yet before I’ll let myself go back. But at the same time there’s a fierce wish to embrace that solitude, and be alone so I can really be myself, and be an awesome version of myself, and write my arse off, and should I choose to go back sometime, I’ll go back so far improved that even I won’t know what happened to the previous model.

    Anyway. All advice is really ego-stroking, so just take these as some thoughts by someone grappling with similar things. But I much prefer “embrace” to “resign myself.” Embraces are always good things.

  14. January 3, 2010 at 10:07 am

    Best wishes in the year ahead. I’m sure you’ll find you can get your works published.

    Cheers to being brave.

  15. Jesse
    January 13, 2010 at 3:46 am

    Dinner party I am thrilled to hear you are picking it back up it is one of your best.So looking forward to it.

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