So, I’ve been having these waves of conversations about ‘cheating’. He cheated on her. She cheated on him. Someone has a not so open, open relationship, and the ones who’ve professed monogamy for life are all in hell for one reason or another.
I don’t often give advice, but I’m going to do it.
There are very few people in this world who don’t experience some level of biological jealousy. Even if they know they shouldn’t. Even if it’s not part of the agreement. Even if there’s nothing to be jealous about, there are very few people who want the fact that you are fucking someone else and liking it rubbed in their faces. And the few who really like it… well, they’re deeply kinky.
Somewhere deep in most people’s hearts lies the forlorn belief that they alone SHOULD BE ENOUGH for the person they are in love with. Consequently, they keep getting hurt. Because no one, alone, is ever enough for anyone else. And even if no one strays physically, they’ll stray mentally, or cyberwise, or whatever other way their guilt ridden brains can manage it.
And why should any single person be enough? For god’s sake, there’s almost seven billion of us on the planet! If you calmly consider the statistics and still maintain that you, alone, should be enough, then I’m sorry, but your deluded.
Now me? I’ve always been pretty Victorian. By that I mean that I have a deep belief in politeness. If you love someone, be polite. Don’t rub their faces in stuff that is going to conflict them for no reason. I’m not saying you should lie. I’m not saying you should deny all when confronted, but you know, practice a little self containment. Take responsibility for your own behaviour and keep your escapades to yourself. Sometimes ‘sharing’ isn’t as generous as it sounds. Sometimes it’s just downright impolite.
Now obviously, I’m not referring here to people in poly arrangements or people who have an agreement that anything goes. But my experience is that those relationships are few and far between. Most people try to be realistic about monogamy – they don’t outright demand it – but they end up getting hurt because someone feels they have to ‘come clean’.
The other thing is… please don’t confess by being careless about clues. If you’re going to venture into the great, fleshly beyond, for god’s sake don’t use a joint credit card where two hotel breakfasts can show up on the bill. Yes, I know people swear they don’t do this sort of thing on purpose, but I have my doubts.
Here’s the deal, if your infidelity is hanging out all over the place, my guess is you are looking to get caught. Either because you want the attention or because you want to precipitate the end of your relationship. Or you’re stupid. And stupid people really do annoy me gravely.
Ultimately, if you are in any kind of a long term relationship, this is going to come up. The question is… are you going to let a slip of the libido ruin your relationship?
I don’t think trust is really about where people put their penises. Although it might be about what they wear on them when they put them about. If physical exclusivity is the deal-breaker for your relationship, you’re shopping for misery.
And that’s my Saturday sermon done and dusted.
What’s your take on this?
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