Hole

The room was chilly and beige. It smelled faintly of stale cigarette smoke and carpet shampoo. Beyond the open curtains the streetlamps splayed in the cold, winter air. From her place in the nondescript beige armchair, Emma thought the man on the bed looked vulnerable. Lit by the gloom of the bedside lamps, Sean lay with his back propped against the padded headboard, lanky legs stretched out in front of him. His shoes and socks were off, and his jeans were unbuttoned, the fly splayed open to his purpose. His fist stroked the pale column of his erect cock.

“Is this all you want?” His words were hesitant but heavy with breath.

A lie of a nod and a tight smile: of course it wasn’t all she wanted. What she wanted was to dispense with her panties, climb onto the bed and sink down onto his cock. But that wasn’t going to happen. That she wouldn’t allow herself and she had told him so.

“Are you sure?” Sean’s hand made slick sounds as it moved over his oiled erection.

Outside, evening traffic noise seeped through the closed windows. Somewhere in the distance someone was breaking glass. “Yes. I’m sure. Just what we agreed on. Okay?”

He stopped, fingers cupping the engorged head. His thumb brushed the blunted tip. “I thought maybe you’d change your mind. You know, when you got here. Once we actually met.”

She’d worried about the same thing. She’d watched many, many men do this, witnessed many couples fuck in settings just like this one, but never with a friend. Never someone she felt any affection for. Now, there in that purgatory of a room, she wondered if she’d made a mistake.

“Don’t be hurt, Sean. I told you it would be like this. I can’t help the way I am.”

“I know. I just thought…”

She smiled again – it took more of an effort this time – and shook her head. “Please, just… come for me. That’s all.”

His throat was dry as he swallowed. She heard the effort of it above the ambient noise of the room. He glanced down at his crotch and began to masturbate again, not with much enthusiasm.

“Talk to me, then. It feels sterile with you just sitting there.”

Her mouth crooked. This time it was effortless. “But you’re hard anyway, aren’t you?”

“My dick is stupid. But I’m not. Talk to me. Please.”

She knew what he wanted, the things that got him off. She’d typed them often enough. But saying it aloud – that was harder. Nonetheless, she owed him that much. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and then began.

“You’re such a slut, Sean. Such a filthy, dirty slut. Stroking your cock in some shabby, anonymous hotel room for a woman you’ve never met in your life.”

He let out a jagged whisper of a breath. It ended in a little whine. His hand began to move again, encircled thumb and fingers tightening, pulling up and down on the skin the shaft.

“You’re hard. So fucking hard,” she let her tone drop, “and you just can’t help yourself, can you? So filthy.”

A groan wormed up from somewhere deep in his throat, the slick sounds grew louder, faster.

“That’s it. Just like that. You love it don’t you? Showing me just what a piece of cunt toy you are? All you want to do is come. But don’t you dare do it without my permission.” She injected a level of menace into the last of her words. “Don’t you dare.”

“Please…don’t…” he stammered. His eyes slid closed as his fist worked harder.

She felt better now that his eyes were shut. She pushed herself out of the chair. “Don’t? Don’t what?” Her voice descended to an almost-whisper as she approached the bed. “Look at you. Degenerate. That’s what you are. And you can’t help yourself, can you?”

“No.” The word was strangled by arousal.

The imagery didn’t turn her on. She’d never been all that interested in dominating men. But his reaction to her words, the lust they invoked, tightened her chest, made her belly flutter.

“Fuck, I should tie you to the bed, pillows piled under your hips until your shameless ass is as high as I want it. And then fuck you till you scream.”

Sean let out a choked groan. He was pumping furiously now. Pearls of pre-cum teared from the tip. The droplets landed, with each stroke, onto his bare white stomach, catching and glistening in the darker hairs that ran up to his navel.

When she reached the bed, she bent over, leaning on her hands as she brought her mouth closer to his ear. “I’d use you like a hole,” she growled. “Like the slutty, wanton little cunt you are.”

“God. Fuck me. Please.”

There it was. Need, desire so strong it burst onto the stillness of the room, tainting the air with an ache. It hurt. It hurt deliciously to stand so close, to see the beads of sweat that birthed and glinted along the line of his sternum. To smell the faded scent of morning soap rise off his skin, and the sweetness of the oil he’d used on his cock, and the richer musk of his crotch. The tip of her tongue prickled with want. Her cunt felt swollen, sticky. Afterwards, alone, she’d take care of it.

“Fuck you? Are you mad? I wouldn’t fucking touch you. I wouldn’t sully my skin with you. I’d use a dildo.”

“No,” he whimpered. “No. Ride me. I want you on me, around me.”

“Never. I don’t fuck trash like you.”

His eyes flew open and he turned his head towards her. “Then kiss me. Kiss me.”

Something in his voice had changed. He’d broken the spell. He’d cheated. A scythe-like blade of ice pushed into her gut. She pulled back.

“No.”

“Yes! Please!”

His hand shot out, fingers surrounding one of her wrists. It was the hand he’d used to stroke his cock, slick with oil and hot with friction. She tugged against the grip that held, then slipped, then held again, suddenly terrified.

“Stop it. Let go, Sean.”

“Just a kiss. Just one.” He was on his knees, free hand curling around the back of her neck to pull her towards him. A desperate uncontrolled urgency in the embrace.

“No. Don’t…don’t spoil this,” she said more softly, making her voice gentle, tamping down her own panic. Her gaze held his and she furrowed her brow. “Don’t ruin everything.”

The hold on her neck eased and he freed her wrist, leaving the smear of oil and heat behind. “Jesus. I’m sorry.”

She knew better than to draw away just then. Instead she sat down on the side of the bed, smoothing her skirt over her thighs. “I’m sorry, too. It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have asked you to do this.”

“No. I said I could do it. I said I wanted to. It’s my fault.”

The fingers, still resting lightly on her neck, moved. His thumb caressed the tendon there. The sensation, no matter how sweet, how well meaning, was too much. Too tender. Too intimate. It was breaking her heart.

She shook her head and smiled at the wall. Tears pricked at her eyes. “Don’t apologize. It’s fine.” Carefully pulling his hand off her neck, she lay it on the bed and patted it. “I should go.”

“Don’t. I can do this. I said I could, and I can. Do you still want me to?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Please. We’ll start again.”

It had already gone too far, too wrong. Part of her wanted to get out of that fucking hotel room as quick as she could and drink herself into enough of a stupor to fall asleep. But the other part – the better part, she thought – didn’t want to hurt him.

“Alright.” She gave him a quick smile and got to her feet.

“Can’t you just sit here, a little closer? It helps.”

She thought for a moment, feeling blindly for her limitations, and then sat back down. “Okay, but don’t touch me. Can you do that?”

Sean cocked his head. “Yes. I guess. I don’t understand why not. I wouldn’t force you, you know. I’d never do that.”

“I know. Just…please don’t touch me. Touch yourself.”

He worried his lip. “Okay. But look at me. Talk to me.”

“What do you want me to say? Do you want me to talk the way we do online?”

Shifting back on the bed, settling back against the headboard, he exhaled. “No, just…just tell me what you want.”

“I want to watch you feel pleasure.”

A smile bent the edge of his mouth; his hand returned to his cock. It was semi-erect and gave a little bob as he touched it. “What else?”

“I want to listen as the arousal begins to take you over.”

He began to stroke again, slowly, deliberately. It only took three or four to regain his erection. He glanced from her, down to his groin, then back again. “What else?” he repeated.

“I want to see you come.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s proof. Proof of pleasure.”

He was looking into her eyes now, fist moving faster. Little twitches tugged at the muscles of his jaw. “Know what I want?”

“Not really. Tell me.”

“I want to know what you taste like. Whether it’s like I imagined.”

She smiled. “What else?”

“I want…” His breath came quicker now, lips parted between his words. “To feel your lips around my cock. The heat, the pressure of them.”

“My mouth? Wet? Tight?”

“Yes. Sucking. With my fingers in your hair.”

Her nipples stung as they stiffened. She fought not to break eye contact with him, but his gaze was starving her of oxygen. “What else?”

“Then to kiss you. And taste my cock on your mouth.”

“Not come in it?”

“No,” he rasped. “No…against you. On your skin.”

The ache in her cunt turned to sharp needles as the muscles fluttered. A single hot surge of wetness soaked her panties. “Where?”

Sean squeezed his cock, pumping it steadily. “Your skin.”

“But where?”

“Your breasts…belly…thighs…I’d paint you.”

“Why?”

“Because…”

“Because why?”

“I’m close. Very close.” His jaw trembled as he spoke. The sinews on his throat stood out against his skin.

“I know. Come for me.

Sean took one enormous breath and held it. His eyes turned sightless as the orgasm overloaded his synapses. She glanced down. A pale stream of come spattered his stomach, and then another, then another.

The familiar surge of sharp-edged elation swept over her body, setting her skin aflame, making her heart pound against her ribcage. Then, after a few moments, she looked up and smiled.

“Well, that worked,” he muttered.

“Yes, it did. Thank you.”

“Oh, no. Thank you.” He gave a little chuckle. “So, would it kill you to kiss me now?”

She stood up. The chemicals made it impossible for her to stop smiling. They fizzled in her veins like soda, her pulse almost deafening in her ears. She picked up her purse, avoiding his gaze.

“Yes, it would.”

She left the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

  47 comments for “Hole

  1. Ken MIller
    January 6, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    The more I read what you write the deeper I see into the twists the turns. The more fascinating it becomes. Never an extra word used or wasted.

  2. January 7, 2010 at 1:16 am

    i love the detail of the “nondescript beige chair.” actually, your whole first paragraph captures the sterile essence of a hotel room quite well.

    this is a compelling story. i’m very intrigued by the narrator. why does she like this? when did she realize it?

    are you planning to write more?

    • Jimmy
      September 2, 2014 at 8:48 am

      Wow very exciting. I could feel it. The emotions in both characters. I didnt want it to end.

  3. Eve
    January 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

    I love this near balance between intimacy and isolation. Very exciting.

    Eve

  4. Liss
    January 7, 2010 at 9:16 am

    I’ve just been reading you for a few weeks and I felt obliged to comment finally and apologize for being a lurker. This was glorious!

  5. City Different
    January 7, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Brilliant. The erotic is about desire, and desire is so much about separateness and striving for intimacy across boundaries that we can’t cross, don’t dare cross. You got it right here, Rgrl: “The sensation, no matter how sweet, how well meaning, was too much. Too tender. Too intimate. It was breaking her heart.” Yeah, it would kill her to kiss him. Brilliant.

  6. Nana
    January 7, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    I have nothing to add except: Brava!

  7. moltenthought
    January 8, 2010 at 12:28 am

    Full buy in – I feel uncomfortable with her requirement to remain so separate. It makes me long for that intimicy of touch for her.

  8. January 8, 2010 at 6:51 am

    Superb. Is she protecting herself or protecting him, I wonder?

  9. erOzica
    January 9, 2010 at 6:07 am

    You write..I feel. If that’s your intention with your readers, you succeed every time.

    • January 9, 2010 at 9:45 am

      WOw. Thank you!.

    • StarrGirl
      March 28, 2017 at 8:19 am

      This is totally accurate. Obviously you’ve heard that your stories are insanely hot, but for me that’s because I connect emotionally with your characters. It makes me want to write!

  10. Nancy
    January 9, 2010 at 11:23 am

    By the way, I loved this one too.

    I wanted so much for her to make love to him. I should likely say have sex with him, but I believe that some affection would make the contact more palpable, deeper, moving, and surely the orgasm would be stronger.

    I want to know why she has to keep her distance, what led him to agree to meet her with the limitations she had set. I want to know both of them better.

    As others have said, you do make us feel, and see, so much.

    Now, to bed to think of ‘others’.

    Bye.

    • January 10, 2010 at 12:14 am

      Hello Nancy, lovely to see you again. You wrote: “I want to know why she has to keep her distance, what led him to agree to meet her with the limitations she had set. I want to know both of them better.”

      Then I have done my job. What do you think makes people this way? What makes them so frightened to indulge in intimacy? What are they scared of losing?

  11. Johnnybegood
    January 9, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    I just wanted to tell you how much I love your fiction. How raw and unpretentious it is, how much truth you capture. It feels incredible to discover writing with a pulse, that is an adventure rather than an exercise. Thank you.

  12. Luke
    January 9, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Lovely interplay of fantasy and reality; so very realistic in my experience. I also greatly enjoyed your description of her post-orgasmic state: your words paint a picture so much more powerful than an actual picture could ever achieve.

  13. Elise
    January 11, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    I was distracted by life but have started reading again today. As an aspiring writer I learn a lot from you. Thank you.

  14. max
    January 12, 2010 at 2:30 am

    love it. great tension.

  15. Holly
    January 13, 2010 at 11:03 am

    As always, you paint a picture for the mind. You never disappoint. Thanks.

  16. gg
    January 14, 2010 at 8:16 am

    Even formulating a concise response for this story is a challenge at the moment … This one packs a punch that i find incredibly sad.

    Someone touched on ‘her protecting him’ in one of the earlier comments – somehow that resonates. Perhaps she feels that sparing him the pain of losing her far out-weighs the pain of not truly knowing her to begin with. i don’t know, it’s just a thought, but i think she’s hiding something.

    This stirs up the emotional kettle for me, rg.

    Yet, as always – told with an expert and critical eye.

  17. mikaloff@gmail.com
    January 14, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    I’m one of those annoying vultures who has been reading your stories without commenting. I just don’t think I have anything to say that is interesting enough to follow what you’ve written. But, here goes…

    I think the reason your stories stay with me so long is all the things you don’t say. Why is she this way? Has something happened to her, or is it just the way she has always been put together? What happens next? Do they meet again online or in real life, or does she avoid him now that he has come too close?

    The bit with the chemicals fizzing in her veins at the end was a nice touch.

  18. S
    January 14, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    Sorry, would you mind changing the name on my previous post or deleting? There was a little spazzy clicking on my end.

  19. January 18, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    I haven’t read your work in a little while. It’s been accumulating in my RSS reader, awaiting some free time—and I’m glad to have found some finally. This was a great story with which to kick off my mini-marathon of erotica. If all the pieces I’ll be reading tonight are this good…well, it might be more than I can handle. It was an excellent piece, balancing wonderful writing with just the right amount of sex, perfect character development, and an intense rush from having to think so much about everything that was going on. I look forward to all that lies in store.

    ♥ Ash

  20. Ashes
    March 9, 2010 at 5:53 am

    So fantastically done.

    I am drawn in to wondering why “She tugged against the grip that held, then slipped, then held again, suddenly terrified” Most people don’t have that reaction unless they have been trapped & helpless before…

    Hmmm very nicely done as always you have drawn me in & made me want 😉

    Thank you!

  21. October 23, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    Kept me right here, enthralled, caught more tightly in your spell with each word, with each image you painted in my head. Lovely writing RG. Thank you.

  22. August 26, 2011 at 5:04 am

    Read this in “Too Much Boogie” a few days ago. One of my top 5 in the collection. The sexual tension and deprivation all in such a neat package. There so much told about the characters by what they don’t do.

  23. Sweet
    March 19, 2014 at 12:25 am

    Beautifully written. You have a way with words.

  24. iwikiwi
    March 19, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Loved it. I could feel the tension present in the room

  25. Jake
    April 15, 2014 at 5:57 am

    I feel control is the emphasis of this piece. Very very interesting. How control and the struggle to maintain it is very interesting to me and maybe universally felt by many readers.

  26. Sweetcorruptor
    June 3, 2014 at 11:45 pm

    The control. The desire for her control. Delicious.

  27. Anastaria
    July 4, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    I hate her, i dont care what her reasons are but she torments both herself and him and it angers me to see the waste and pain she must cause him. Just shuck your panties and hop on damn it

  28. Margaux
    October 31, 2014 at 8:53 am

    Very good. Exciting and arousing and almost disappointing in the due to the great build of desire but then not quite. Facinating.

  29. Barb
    December 1, 2014 at 8:05 am

    I loved this. I felt line u was I. The room watching her watch him. Fabulous

  30. Ken
    May 25, 2015 at 11:27 pm

    the building excitement made me arch my back and thrust my hips up well written with mystery and anticipation

  31. Jake
    June 7, 2015 at 9:06 am

    The concise expression of control and desire and yet a fascinating cord between the two, impeccably raises the threshold for erotica.

    • June 7, 2015 at 9:09 am

      What a lovely compliment. I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

  32. Melane
    June 15, 2015 at 7:52 am

    I found your blog accidentally, browsing for something to kill loneliness with… I’ve come this far, it’s 3:43 before sunrise and I just can’t stop indulging into the feelings you provide.
    How wonderful it is, finding quality at its purest form and talent once in a blue moon. I truly, deeply thank you (and salute you, as an amateur author who just found a beacon to turn to) for that….
    Please don’t stop.

    The story? Simply amazing, meaningful and straight to the point; hollow we are (also frightened) and so we will remain unless we find the reason why (or maybe that’s what I see in her..)

  33. Chris
    July 22, 2015 at 4:34 am

    I like this kind of erotica. Not porn…mindful.

    • July 22, 2015 at 7:07 pm

      Thank you. I don’t have anything against porn. It can be very useful, and effective :P, but you’re right; it’s not what I write.

  34. chris mooney
    November 10, 2015 at 3:56 am

    Just started reading some of your stories to gain some inspiration for parts of a book i’m putting together.Maybe i can pick your brains for ideas and i’ll pass some over to you if thats ok…..!!chris

  35. December 3, 2015 at 1:58 am

    Very enjoyable and completely convincing. When I finished reading I felt like I had stepped out of the room as well.
    The enormity of the withheld… so potent.

  36. nigel parker
    January 7, 2016 at 8:17 pm

    thank you,it reminded me of a lovely married lady I knew,she didn’t want to have full sex but just to kiss then we would masturbate while the other watched.a well written story.

  37. becki
    January 8, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    I loved this. So many questions. Did they meet online? Do they really know each other? Why won’t she touch or be touched? What happens after she leaves the room?
    I’d love to be able to write like this

  38. Zerolr
    February 2, 2016 at 4:26 am

    Wow this was amazing.

  39. April 10, 2016 at 3:46 pm

    Wonderful. I loved the way you wove the anxiety and lust together to create the tension.

    • April 15, 2016 at 10:50 am

      Isn’t there always anxiety simmering beneath lust? 😛

  40. Darryl
    July 15, 2016 at 10:35 am

    Wow! Such detailed word pictures! I felt the excruciating need in them both as well as there mutual domination.
    She went home and sharing with her real lover they fucked each other silly!
    Excellent!!

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