It seems the more I post discussion blogs on writing, feelings, relationships or sex, the more emails I get from people who think I’m some kind of expert in any of those areas. I can’t say it’s not flattering to get those sorts of emails, but they also come with a lot of responsibility and, quite frankly, I’m not very knowledgeable at anything other than writing angst-ridden erotica.
Firstly, I’m SO NOT an expert when it comes to sex. Admittedly, I’ve had quite a bit of it in my life, I’ve seen a lot of it, and I’ve talked with a lot of people, but I’m not a sex therapist. I’m sure I’ve got as many hang-ups as the next woman and probably a few more because I over-think stuff.
So, instead of writing me an email asking me about some aspect of sex, why don’t you take yourself over to Tuesdays with Nina, at Eden Fantasys. Nina Hartley was, I gather, a porn actress. Please don’t let this put you off. She’s a very intelligent, responsible source of good, frank advice. And she doesn’t approach everything from a medical or psychiatric angle. She just knows a shitload about all sorts of sex stuff, and she’s good at expressing herself about it. She answers questions via video blog and…well, I highly recommend her.
Secondly, although I write a lot of stories that contain some essence of power play, or D/s, I’ve never been a part of a BDSM community, have never played in public, etc. I can’t give you advice on how to conduct a D/s relationship or what’s safe and not safe. Again, although it interests me a great deal, and I’ve had some passionate relationships that included power dynamics, bondage, pain, etc. I don’t feel that my experiences are general enough, or extensive enough to give anyone else advice.
Two books that have been recommended to me are SM 101, by Jay Wiseman. For D/s, the book everyone seems to recommend is The Loving Dominant by by John and Libby Warren. Gloria Braeme, a notable writer on the subject has also written books and also offers a long list of links and essays here. Finally, quite a few people have recommended Fetlife.com. This is an online D/s and BDSM community. It’s a pretty safe environment to go exploring your curiosity on the subject.
Finally, you might think I would be more than willing to give people advice on writing. However, I need to point out that I’m not a very successful writer. There are a lot of people out there offering a lot of good advice on how to get published, where to find an agent, etc. I just don’t know any of that stuff. The resources are so plentiful that it would be pointless for me to list them here. The only advice I’m willing to give is…to be a good writer you have to write a lot.
This was something of a housekeeping post, I know. But I thought I’d make it so I had something to point people to. If anyone has suggestions for other good information resources, please, please feel free to share them in the comments area.