It has taken me years to figure this out, but I’ve finally come to the conclusion that when people send you stories and ask for feedback, most of them just want you to say ‘it kicks ass’. Which, in a way, is good, because a few lines of praise are SO MUCH EASIER to drool out than a good hard critique.
In the last four months, I’ve basically lost friends and readers, because they sent me a story and asked me to give them feedback, and I did. And I actually read the stories and I thought about them, and I pondered on what I felt was positive about them and what I felt was letting the story down. And I told them.
My HUGE mistake.
Because it takes me at least two hours to put together a half-decent critique on TOP of the time it took to read the work. And I always follow the rules. I always point out what I felt was strong first. And then I specify what I thought didn’t work. Exactly where I thought the problems were. And then, if I can, I think about ways to fix the problems.
And I do this because, on the very rare occasions when someone has taken the time to give me a good hard critique of my work, it has been like gold to me. I care about the story. I care about what is working and what isn’t. I am so grateful for the times someone has said – I just don’t understand your character’s motivations. Or I don’t think that part of the plot is believable. Or this dialogue doesn’t sound real. Because – god damn it! – those crits have saved the ASS of the stories. They allow me to correct the flaws and make it a much stronger piece. They make my writing MUCH BETTER.
And no, I don’t always take every crit I get as gospel. Sometimes I realize the reader simply isn’t on the same wavelength, or has different expectations of a storyform. But usually the criticism is valid and useful and helpful. And I know just how valuable that kind of feedback is. Take a look at the comments on my stories as see how rarely I get a really good, hard critique.
But I have come to realize that most people who send me their stories just want to hear how good it was. Because they care more about their own egos than they care about the work.
Well, no more. Because life is short and I’m busy.
Don’t send me your stories. Don’t send me your e-books. Don’t ask me for feedback. If you do, this is what you will receive. It’s a form email:
Dear _______
Thank you for sending me your story. It’s brilliant.
Yours,
RG.
This means I haven’t read it. I simply know what you want to hear. And I’m tired of losing friends.
I’ve considered it rude to send a story asking for critique without a previous request, “would you be willing to critique this?” That opens a discussion about what “critique” means before the story is even read. Sorry to hear that’s not what’s been happening with the stories sent to you.
I know what you mean. I’m happy to say that I’ve been very lucky recently and have found an author or two who gives me exactly what I’m looking for – hard crits. I’ve also made sure that the few I’ve done got notes ahead of time that I wouldn’t be pulling punches. If they didn’t actually want to hear what didn’t work, I wouldn’t read it. Fortunately for me, they wanted real critiques.
The form letter is hilarious though!
GC
I think it should say something like this:
Dear ________,
Thank you for sending me your story! It’s FULL OF SPICY HOT WINCAKES! In WINSAUCE! With AWESOME!
Sincerely,
RG.
WINCAKES..I want all of the wincakes.
Also RG can I copy your response there? I feel like I need it about now. Which is weird to me. Very very weird.
I’m actually sorry to read this, and somewhat surprised that this the expectation given that you don’t pull punches on your site.
Hi Sacha,
You know, I think what happens is that people feel that there won’t be any punches to pull with THEIR story. And, for my part, if I read and crit a story, I will always be looking for flaws, because no story is ever absolutely perfect, and I’ve just never seen the point in giving only positive feedback. It seems… not very helpful. But apparently that is really what most people want: just to be told how good their story is.
Other times, I think people send me erotica stories as a kindness – using the excuse of wanting feedback, but actually just hoping to send me something that will turn me on, maybe?
RG,
I consider any feedback you deliver to have tremendous value & merit. Those who do not appreciate reasonable direction should look elsewhere.
Thank you,
-TFP
I realize I have undertaken to give you some feedback on your tentacle story. And I thank you for your patience.
RG,
No doubt you have many irons in the fire, simply when or even if you have time.
Whatever emits from your kitchen I will devour.
Thank you,
-TFP
sent via email to your inbox, TFP
I think new writers just aren’t aware of how much time and thought it takes to read a story with a critique in mind, and then how much time it takes to write that up. It’s not a simple request, “Will you read my story?”, not a thing to ask lightly. I’d never ever ask that of someone cold–I mean, they’d need to say they’d be happy to critique in advance before I’d even send a story. That’s why groups like the Erotic Readers and Writers Association list, which I’ve seen you recommend quite a few times, is so valuable–it’s a list of people who’ve already agreed to read and critique (because you are putting the same time and energy into providing that service to others).
I’ve been professionally writing for more than a decade now, and it surprises me how much I still fear criticism and crave approval. My skin is tougher, sure, and I get through what I call the ‘four stages of rewriting’ (denial, anger, grief, and acceptance) a lot faster now, but there’s still that hope for praise every time I submit something. It isn’t that I want someone to *say* that my writing is good. It’s that I actually want it to *be* good. And yet, if I put a story “out there” for critique, and I only get back a positive note (“This is great! Really loved it!”), I feel vaguely disappointed–as you said, no story is perfect, so what does that mean? That the person hasn’t actually read it? Or hasn’t thought about it? Or that its flaws are so deep and overwhelming that they can’t even be expressed in words? Or that the writer fears my reaction? No, no, straight praise is no good! I guess to me a perfect critique (meaning one I’d like to receive) would be something like, “This story is fundamentally OK/worthy/can be saved. Here are places where it stumbles, but you can fix those faults.”
What’s helped me with accepting criticism is to recognize and name in advance what I’m willing to change, and then to say so (sometimes to the critiquer, but sometimes just to myself). If I’m willing to change the end, but not the beginning, then I state that. Sometimes everything is on the table, because I can sense something’s wrong but I’m really not sure what. I write a lot of stories in the second person, and sometimes I’m willing to change that if readers don’t like it, and then sometimes I’m not. But once I’ve named for myself what I’m willing to change, then it hurts far, far less to hear that yes, I do need to change that. And if someone suggests a change that I already know I’m not willing to make, it seems to roll off more easily.
Actually, I agree with your suggestion of approach. That is a very good way to approach receiving a crit. There are many things that, in any given story, I am very willing to change, and some I am not, because I feel to change them will fundamentally change what I want to get across in the the story.
ERWA is sadly not what it used to be. When I joined, a list of jawdroppingly amazing erotic fiction writers were all very active on the list. Good, tough, thorough crits were ALL you could get. Now, it’s very seldom someone offers a really extensive crit, and the several occasions on which I have given them, the reaction was very mixed.
Some people are very offended when, after you’ve critted their work, they come back with counter crits. Personally, I find that a good and creative way to work one’s way through to a really good result. One of the best critters I have ever come across is Chris Garcia-Sanchez. He basically sends you a synopsis back of your story – as he understands it. And then goes on to point out where he had trouble with it. And where he liked it. The value in an approach like this is that he’s telling you exactly how it reads to him. You get a very firm idea of where you are really being effective as a writer and where things are unclear and perhaps not as strong as they might be.
I see similar challenges in the music business. It’s impossibly hard for a musician of recognition to handle the sheer volume of compositions submitted for critique. The critic-artist finds it difficult and too time consuming, and sometimes distasteful to honor all requests. It doesn’t take long before one’s response might become no-response. Critiquing isn’t something for which artists/writers/musicians are necessarily trained to expect as their role.
Are all successful writers/visual artists/musicians of note prepared to critique? No. For those willing and able to offer considered criticism, a personal method must be developed. I get the issue and I like your form letter idea, RG. It’s your method. Shar hit upon a good thought for structuring a critique request. I think it’s smart, respectful, and adaptable to requests for critiquing other forms of art, too.
Thanks, RG. As usual, I enjoy your thought provoking post.
I hear you, and came to the same conclusion myself years ago. Still, I do have a network of people I regularly exchange crits with. Every now and then, I offer a detailed crit on ERWA (but, I admit, only on something I like – it’s just easier that way and I was once practically blacklisted because I didn’t “feel” something written by one of the most popular writers there). Still, even when only offering encouragement and only a few suggestions, I find most people just don’t want to hear it. Some don’t even reply, and go out of there way to send you a bad crit of your work next time they see it. It’s sad, really, as I’ve always thought that as writers we should help one another out. The best crits I have ever received have been the worst AND the best. Sometimes I need the crit that tells me where I fall short the most. Sometimes, I really do need to hear that I hit the mark. I count you as one of the best readers of my work in progress, and hope to never receive one of your form letters. I promise too, if you ask me to look at anything of yours, never to simply say, “I liked it.”
I have to say, I’m surprised to hear that this is a problem for you! And by that I mean, I’m surprised people send you their stories expecting to hear back that what they’ve written rocks. You are clearly a very honest critic. You only have to read a few of your pieces to know that.
I also have to admit to a little disappointment as I did hope, some day, to ask your advice on something, BECAUSE I knew I’d get an honest answer… but c’st la vie. Haha.