On Dominance in Erotic Fiction: A few Questions

One of my readers, Sally, left me some questions that I felt required a little more thought and more space than was available in a comments reply, so I’ve answered them here.

Her questions were:

1.) As an author of erotic fiction, what assets or personality traits do you believe make the male lead in a work of erotic fiction attractive to the ‘everyday’ reader?
2.) In stories regarding a Dominant and Submissive, why do you think readers have an impulsive reaction to be attracted to either or?
3.) a.) What is it about domination that the characters themselves find appealing? b.) And what do you think is it about the concept of domination that readers find appealing?
4.) What kind of connection do the submissive and dominant characters have to have? Is it both physically and mentally?

Not sure I can do this to Sally’s satisfaction, but I’ll answer as honestly as I can.

1. As an author of erotic fiction, what assets or personality traits do you believe make the male lead in a work of erotic fiction attractive to the ‘everyday’ reader?

I honestly don’t feel I have a lot of authority as an ‘author of erotic fiction’. I can tell you what I believe make a male main character work for me, but I’m pretty sure I’m not speaking for many other erotica authors. However, it’s fair to say that he does have to ‘work’ for me first, or I just won’t give a shit about writing the story. Also, I don’t know what an everyday reader is. If you mean a reader of mainstream erotica, then believe me when I say that I am pretty sure my stories don’t appeal to them at all if sales are any indication of this. But that’s okay, because I’m not all that interested in appealing to them. There are lots of writers filling that market already.

So, I’m going to tell you what I believe makes a male main character in erotic fiction attractive to me. Pretty much the same thing that makes a main character of any gender attractive in any sort of fiction: I need them to seem realistic, I need them to have credible, non-superficial flaws and tangibly unique qualities that make them unlike other characters. I need them to be able to change through the story. I need them to have agency and volition – to be agents of change rather than victims of circumstance. I enjoy writing erotic fiction that involves male characters whose erotic attraction doesn’t come from standard measures such as physical attractiveness or wealth. That’s a challenge to me as a writer and, I think, a pleasant change for the people who read my writing. So, I like to focus on the psychological aspects that make people attractive – the way they express themselves, the thoughts they have, the way they see the world and how they cope with adversity. Most especially, how they negotiate their own desires.

2.) In stories regarding a Dominant and Submissive, why do you think readers have an impulsive reaction to be attracted to either or?

I think some readers are very attracted to stories that agree with their own world-views and present a story in a way that most closely matches their fantasies. Others are a little more adventurous. Undoubtedly there are some readers who are sexually submissive and really only like stories told from that point of view, or stories that feature a dominant who is a projection of their own fantasy – and a story that deviates from that can really annoy them.

Personally, I really like to challenge myself, and invite my readers, to look at that power dynamic more laterally. This usually ends up destabilizing the apparent power dynamic. Sub and Dom are essentially ‘roles’ or ‘scripts’ that people agree to take on. But the actual power dynamic at play beneath the surface is more complex, and probably more equally distributed. For some readers, that reveal is gratifying, for others – it just interferes with their consumption of a fantasy they love.

I’m not knocking fantasy; I’m just not interested in writing it. I suspect most of my readers aren’t that interested in reading it. If they were, they’d have stopped reading me.

3.) a.) What is it about domination that the characters themselves find appealing? b.) And what do you think is it about the concept of domination that readers find appealing?

a.) What is it about domination that the characters themselves find appealing?

It would be a little disingenuous to answer that question without pointing out that characters aren’t real humans – they’re the product of the writer’s imagination. I’m not a mystic when it comes to writing; I don’t believe that characters ‘have a life of their own’ even though it sometimes seems like they do. But characters are usually based on real people, or an amalgamation of a few people the writer knows. So, perhaps the question is… what is it about domination that people find appealing?

Power is appealing. The ability to control one’s own destiny is appealing and the more power you have, the more likely – barring acts of God – you are to be able to do that. Sexual power is appealing, I think, because – in real life – most people feel a distinct lack of control when they find themselves in the throes of passion. So fantasizing and even performing in a position of control is very attractive, very erotic, for a lot of people. Even the most submissive subs tend to enjoy the power of erotic attractiveness they hold over their dominants. It’s not as clean cut as it is often portrayed.

b) And what do you think is it about the concept of domination that readers find appealing?

I honestly don’t think I’m able to answer that. I can really only answer for myself and my answer is a pretty complex one. I find the concept of someone who chooses a formal position of dominance appealing because, whether they know it or not, it requires a fundamental sacrifice. Dominants willingly take on the burden of much of the responsibility for what goes on between them and their submissive partners. That sacrifice is considerable. The risk is also considerable. If things fail, it is – at least formally – their fault it has failed, since they were the person with the power.

I also find dominants appealing because there is usually a deeply buried sense of their own powerlessness that drives them to want to claim control so overtly. It is often a desire born of a core sense of lack. To me, that makes them interesting and attractive as subjects to read and write about. Especially since no amount of power or control can ever really address that underlying sense of lack. It is always there, gnawing at them from beneath. Being dominant only offers them a short period of respite from that sense of powerlessness, which keeps their desire, their need for dominance always partly unsatisfied. Makes for good erotic conflict in stories.

I’d also like to add that there are two overt social transgressions to taking on roles of dominance or submission. Both involve saying aloud what is true but is forbidden to say in our society: that few of us have a lot of power or control over our lives. Much less than we want to believe we have. Much less that a supposedly ‘democratic’ and ‘free’ society pretends we have. So taking on the label of a dominant is a kind of challenge: if you’re a male brought up in a society where women are supposed to have equal rights, then claiming that role as a dominant is transgressive. You’re not supposed to do it, and there is an erotic thrill in breaking that rule. Meanwhile, if you’re female and claim dominance, that is even more transgressive, since historically women have had very little overt power.

But – and this might be counter-intuitive – I think taking on the label of submissive is even more transgressive. Contemporary society likes to pretend that women have an equal share of power, so overtly positioning oneself as a submissive woman is a lot like spitting in the eye of feminism. These days, that’s pretty damn transgressive. Meanwhile, taking on the label of submissive as a man is even more transgressive, because it is historically the position of women. Submissive men who demand recognition of their masculinity while placing themselves in sexually submissive positions are truly challenging mainstream concepts of gender roles.

On the whole, I think BDSM is a kind of formalized way of disrupting social norms: by making implicit realities explicit, by parodying and inverting gender and sexual roles, by turning pain and punishment into sexual gratification.

I’m sure other readers (because I am always a reader first) have very different reasons for being attracted to the concept of dominance. Maybe some of my lovely readers can give you their answers down below in the comments area?

4.) What kind of connection do the submissive and dominant characters have to have? Is it both physically and mentally?

I think that depends entirely on the story. Some people are only looking for sexual experiences. They enjoy the physical aspects of D/s or BDSM but have no interest in anything mental at all. I don’t personally really understand this form of interaction, so I don’t write about it much. For me, the interest lies in how the power dynamic plays out mentally. Of course, physical acts can act as a device by which the mental underpinnings of D/s are brought to the surface and explored in the narrative. But eroticism is never about acts or events, it’s always really about how those acts or events affect the person mentally and emotionally. So that’s what I try to write about. Sometimes not terribly successfully, because language is a very imperfect tool for conveying the reality of experience. But I keep trying.

I’m fairly sure Sally would greatly appreciate if anyone who cares to do so would volunteer some answers of their own. Please feel free to chime in!